Struggles
L.M Owens
The sun shone
through our grimy window, sending a fiery glow across my Ma and siblings who
were still sleeping on our mattress. The sheep that woke me up baaed louder
than usual and I prayed for its silence so it would not awaken poor Ma, who
needed all the rest she could get. Thankfully, my plea was answered. There was
no point trying to go back to sleep so I lay in my itchy blanket, thinking. I
was positive that today would have no misery. None at all. All of those days I
wished I was invisible were over. All those days of scorn and ridicule were out
the window. No more gossip and rumours
about the stability of our family, no more lies about my father’s morality and
whether he would ever send for us. Today it was finally happening. I was
heading for a better life.
Silently, I
tiptoed past my family and crouched by the fireplace. I glanced at Ma’s watch
as I crept past her, 6:00am. I sat on the hard stone floor,
staring into the blackened chars from last night and shivered. The outside door
had no lock and it swung open with a little creak. A small stack of twigs lay
by the door collected by my twin brothers Sean and Patrick. I picked up the little bundle and as I made to
step back inside, I glanced hopefully at yet another patch of freshly dug
ground. Green leaves sprouted from the earth. I ran forwards landing on my
knees beside our priti patch and began to scramble at the soil with
my fingernails. I pulled out a newly grown priti but as I gazed at it triumphantly, I noticed
the incriminating brown marks on it. The land had been cruel to us and I would
not be sorry to see the back of it. Turning my back on our 6th priti patch and feeling as though a lead weight was
being dropped into my stomach, I made my way back into our blackhouse.
I threw the
dry sticks into the grate and struck a match. The timber ignited immediately
and the cold room was filled with warmth. I spent the next couple of hours on
the cobbled floor staring into the dancing flames of the fire, imagining
America – the land of the free, streets paved with gold, friendly new faces
alongside sorely missed relatives. 7:00am, 8:00am, I thought it
was time to wake the others. This had been Lana’s job since Pa left but I knew
she would be exhausted from working extra hours to make sure everything was
ready before our departure, so the responsibility had fallen to me.
“Ma?” I shook
her gently and she woke with a start. “We don’t want to miss the boat to
‘merica Ma.” I said helping her up. She nodded and smiled, patting my arm. The next hour was a frantic rush of trying to
collect the few belongings we would be taking with us.
As per usual,
Sean and Patrick were racing to see who could pack their things the fastest. Sean
and Patrick were identical twins. Patrick was older by 5 minutes so everything
in life was a race. Who can eat the fastest? Who can clean the house the
fastest? Blah Blah Blah. Reaching their tenth birthdays soon, they are the
youngest living siblings in the family. Their bright ginger hair gives the
impression that their head is on fire and their piercing blue eyes are like
shards of shimmering ice. The spitting image of my father (though without the
beard.) I missed my father so much. He had left to find us a farm in America two
years ago and we were now following him. Lana is my oldest sibling (and the
most responsible). Her fourteenth birthday was last week. She seems to have
taken over from Pa and spends most of her time helping Ma. She has electric
blue eyes (like Pa) but her long wavy blonde hair is identical to Ma’s.
Although Sean and Patrick have not realised it, I know that Lana, like me, has
realised that Ma’s racking cough is not harmless and has been trying to do
everything to help her.
As we left the
blackhouse, we all knelt beside the two crosses erected in the hard ground
adjacent to our home and said goodbye for the final time to our younger
siblings who never made it through the harsh winter.
With only
small sacks slung over our backs we began the long walk to Queensland port.
Within thirty minutes my crumpled feet were scratched and painful due to the
hole that had worn away at the sole. After hours of what felt like pointless
meandering we reached the dock with a few minutes to spare. We had been told
that the ship was big – the biggest there is, but nothing prepared us for this.
A great beast of a liner loomed in front of us, blocking out all sunlight. My
mouth fell open and I gawped at the marvel like a fish out of water. Every inch
of it was under my scrutiny but when my eyes rolled over the poop deck, I
froze.
A beautiful girl, about the same age as Lana,
stood on the deck - her long periwinkle blue dress and blonde ringlets so regal
I was sure she must have been a princess. Our eyes met. She raised an eyebrow
and took in my dirty hair and frayed clothes looking disgusted. I stared at my
feet and she turned imperiously away from me. “Never be ashamed o’ who ye are,
my children.” Said Ma who had clearly noticed the girl too, before she began to
cough and splutter once more. I stumbled to the gangway with my family. My mind
was swirling with angry thoughts. I could not help being poor. I could not help
that all I had was a sack slung over my shoulder. She obviously had never known
real hunger, never stopped to think that some people can’t afford maids or
porters.
When I reached
the gangway, I was pulled out of my reverie by a uniformed man yanking my hair
back, none too gently. I looked up, annoyed, but then understood. Ma had
explained that as we were 3rd class passengers, we would have to consent
to a health check so I kept quiet. The man looked as though he would rather be
anywhere else than in my hair. I couldn’t blame him. Even though Lana had
helped us all to wash earlier in the week, my auburn hair still looked dishevelled
and unkempt compared to those looking down on us from high above.
Once I had
been deemed healthy enough, I looked up, ready to take in the beauty of the
ship again. With a jolt, I saw the same girl staring back at me. She stood
beside a
large potbellied man – who could only be her father. Both were looking
at me as though I was a disgusting sea-slug. I did not want to see the looks of
disdain on both faces and quickly examined an insect that had also been
journeying up the gangway. But then I reminded myself of my thoughts from
earlier that morning. I was positive that today would have no misery. None at
all. Gone are the days of wishing I was invisible. No more scorn or ridicule.
Head held high, I stared with excitement as we entered the biggest ship in the
world. We were aboard the magnificent Titanic.
